He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
