i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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