I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize