girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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