I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
