True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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