He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
