Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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