non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
