i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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