Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
