he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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