went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
