the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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