Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
