Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
