I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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