Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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