margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
