The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
