I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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