Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
