Duck Duck Cougar?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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