i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
