so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize