oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
