Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize