I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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