I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize