Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
