Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
