and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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