I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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