I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
