Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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