party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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