This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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