You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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