I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
