So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
