I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
