i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come see our sink grown plant.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
