Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
