Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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