i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
