He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
