how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
