We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
