So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
