Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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