After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
