They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
