So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
