I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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