wanna go halves on a baby?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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