It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
