I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
