the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
