It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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