So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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