dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
