I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
