Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
