Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
