Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
