glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
