Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
