pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
