cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
