it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
