I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sarcasm needs its own font
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
