so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
