I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
