mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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