I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
