Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
