I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize