Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
worst night to have a conscience
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
