just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
