Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
