he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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