He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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