So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
