I think I died a long time ago.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
