so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
