Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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