His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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