There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
