Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
