Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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