margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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