Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize