Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
