I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
