I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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