So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
