i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
