I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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